One other possibility, however, is that rural men of all ages tend to work harder physically and thus are probably in better physical condition than their urban counterparts, who may enjoy a more sedentary life. One of the most common misconceptions in the minds of young married women pertains to the sexual needs of their husbands. This trend seems to reverse itself later in the marriage, but in the earlier years the frequency of sex is often cause for conflict and disagreement.
Without it he would not be the man she fell in love with. It is a wise woman who cooperates with that need rather than fights against it. In human relations, attitude is everything. This is certainly true of lovemaking. If either person looks on it as a duty to perform, that attitude will soon be perceived by his or her mate; and it will gradually deteriorate until the passion of their love is lost.
Unless they read a book like this or receive Christian counseling to change their mental attitude toward the experience, it will not be long before their love is gone. It fulfills his manhood. A man usually possesses a stronger ego than a woman. If he is not a man in his own eyes, he is nothing; and somehow his sex drive seems to be intricately linked to his ego. I have never met an impotent or sexually frustrated man who enjoyed a strong self-image.
A sexually satisfied husband is a man who will rapidly develop self-confidence in other areas of his life. Most men do not blame their insecurities on sexual frustration, because they are either too proud or do not realize the connection; but I have observed it so often that whenever I find a fractured male ego, I look for sexual frustration.
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A man can endure academic, occupational, and social failure as long as he and his wife relate well together in the bedroom; but success in other fields becomes a hollow mockery if he strikes out in bed. To the man, being unsuccessful in his bedroom signals failure in life. One loving wife asked what she could do for her husband whose business had just collapsed. He was more depressed than she had ever seen him before, and she felt incapable of reaching him.
Many husbands subconsciously fear that their wives endure lovemaking out of a sense of duty or some lesser motivation. What every man needs, especially during a period of defeat, is to be convinced that his wife loves him for himself, not for anything he does for her. I knew her dynamic, choleric husband well enough to perceive that he was not complicated enough to get suspicious; any surprise would give way to ecstasy.
Later his wife reported that he not only lacked suspicion but, within five minutes after lovemaking, began to share a new business idea with her. Although that idea never materialized, it started him upward. He soon found his niche and today is enjoying a successful career. It was her confidence that sparked my own. Much later she offered a rather interesting comment to me: she could not remember her husband ever holding her so tightly during lovemaking. But that is not really difficult to understand. But love once again succeeded when all else failed.
It seems to be the only thing that gets him back to normal. Do not be deceived by that thin coating of tough masculinity most men wear; underneath are many emotional needs that only a loving wife can supply. It seems that the Victorians did not distinguish between their premarital and their marital taboos. Naturally a good, wholesome Christian woman will not flaunt her enjoyment of sex; that is a personal matter. Far too many insecure women are tricked into thinking that they should look and act sexy in public. That is distorted sex appeal! A truly secure woman will convey her sex appeal and satisfaction only to her husband.
It gives him great pleasure and, in fact, makes his own sexual pleasure much more satisfying when he is assured that it has been mutually enjoyed.
A wise and considerate woman goes out of her way to let her man know that he is a good lover and that she enjoys their relations together. It is good for his ego and promotes honest communication between them. Only a false and insincere modesty would hide such vital knowledge from a partner. Genuine love flourishes in giving.
That is why a devoted husband finds great delight in knowing his wife enjoys his lovemaking. A secure man becomes a better father, uses better judgment, and has an improved capacity to love the entire family. It enhances his love for his wife.
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We are familiar with the word syndrome, but we usually associate it with negative things like illness, depression, anger, or fear. However, it is appropriately used in conjunction with love. A love syndrome never hurt anyone, and such a syndrome is created between married partners when their lovemaking is mutually satisfying.
Because a man has been endowed by God with an intense sex drive and a conscience, the satisfactory release of that drive without provoking his conscience will enhance his love for the person who makes that possible. But only one person on earth can do that—his wife. Follow our reasoning. This can be achieved by 1 intercourse, 2 masturbation, 3 nocturnal emission, or 4 homosexuality.
Intercourse is beyond comparison the most satisfying means of ejaculation, but this in turn can be accomplished by the act of marriage, by prostitution, or by adultery. Only one of these, however, is accompanied by a clear conscience—married love. By contrast, the act of marriage when properly performed is followed by physical relaxation based on innocence. Like any normal man, Joe found that intolerable. We may never know whether he was actually unfaithful, for after some straightforward talk in the counseling room, Bobbie went home to love her husband unconditionally.
At first he was stunned to find his wife sexually aggressive, but in typically masculine fashion he made the necessary adjustment. He found legitimate, enjoyable lovemaking with his wife so satisfying that he was no longer tempted to look elsewhere. It reduces friction in the home. Another result of a satisfying relationship between a couple is that it tends to reduce minor irritations in the home. A sexually satisfied man is usually a contented man. This will not solve major problems— it will not repair a bent fender or compensate for overcharging the budget—but it does reduce minor irritations.
Somehow the world looks better to a man and his difficulties shrink to life size when sexual harmony prevails. It is as though his hard work and the pressures of life are worth it all when he and his wife consummate their love properly.
More is involved in this than just the satisfaction of the glands. A man sacrifices a great deal when he gets married—or at least he thinks so. As a single man, he is rather carefree and unpressured. If he sees something he wants, he just buys it whether he can afford it or not. That all changes with marriage.
A woman thinks about economics occasionally, but usually with limited, short-range deliberation. The husband, however, must go to bed with the mental awareness that he is the supporter of his family. Unless he learns early in life to commit his way to the Lord, that can be a heavy load to carry.
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The husband went his own selfish way into irresponsibility, and both remained miserable. The titanic emotional and physical explosion that culminates the act of marriage for the husband is easily the most exciting experience he ever enjoys, at least on a repeatable basis. At that moment all other thoughts are obliterated from his mind; every gland and organ of his body seems to reach a fevered pitch.
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By this time his breathing accelerates and he groans in ecstasy as the pressure breaks forth with the release of semen into the object of his love. Words are inadequate to describe this fantastic experience. Although the aggressive nature of men finds them engaging in various exciting activities we know ski jumpers, motorcycle racers, jet pilots, sky divers, and pro football players , they all agree that lovemaking heads the list. A heart patient provided the best description that we have heard of what the act of marriage means to a man.
Warned by his doctor that any unnecessary physical exertion could kill him, he continued love relations with his wife. At times he endured a body-rending experience of shock afterward—his heart palpitating, his face losing its color, and his extremities turning cold and clammy. Sometimes it took one or two hours before he could even get off the bed. If he loves and cherishes her the way God commands him, a warm and affectionate relationship will develop to enrich their entire married life; the exciting and pleasurable experience of mutual lovemaking will be shared several thousand times during their marriage.
A sexually satisfied husband is a motivated man. Unless he is speaking of an abnormal frequency of several times a day, his advice is simply not valid. A sexually frustrated man has a hard time concentrating, is prone to be edgy and harder to work with, and, more important, finds it difficult to retain lasting goals. By contrast, the truly satisfied husband refuses to waste his business day on trivia; he wants each moment to count so he can get home to the wife and family who give all his hard work real purpose and meaning. Sex Drive and Thought Life The most consistent spiritual problem faced by the average red-blooded Christian man relates to his thought life.
The male sex drive is so powerful that sex often seems to be uppermost in his mind. Dirty jokes and stories punctuated by four-letter words become a constant verbal bombardment. Shortly after he becomes a Christian, such a man is convicted by the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to change his thought patterns.